We all know about safety in the kitchen – don’t cook with saucepan handles sticking out where they can be easily knocked over, don’t leave hot oil unattended, don’t leave tea towels near the hob where they can catch fire, don’t have plug sockets near the sink, don’t stab someone for interfering while you’re cooking, etc. but what about other less life-threatening kitchen disasters that can occur? Here are a few of mine:
After recently being deported to London from Kent while waiting for my house sale to go through, I’ve been living on Tesco Meal Deals for lunch (much better value than the Sainsbury’s one, in case you were wondering) and pizza for dinner. I’ve had the new vegan Giardiniera from Pizza Express (not as nice as the vegan pizzas in Zizzi, in my opinion), a tandoori paneer pizza at Mr Singh’s (an all-vegetarian pizza place that will also sub dairy cheese for vegan cheese but, trust me, it seriously mings. I’d just go without cheese if you’re vegan) but mostly I’ve been heating up frozen pizza and especially ones from Dr Oetker, such as their Spinaci Pizza which has made a comeback after originally being a limited edition pizza back in 2013.
I am a mother-fucking goddamn genius. After ‘potato cakes’ being on the shopping list for two weeks and being ignored for two weeks and upon me enquiring why my potato cakes had not been forthcoming told ‘I don’t know where they are in Tesco. We have potatoes – make some’ decided that, okay, yes I will indeed make my own potato cakes. They weren’t as good as the ones in Tesco – Tesco ones are dense and you can hold them in your hand, like crumpets (or probably like any other potato cake but my experience of potato cakes begins and ends with the Tesco ones) and the ones I made were like fried mashed potato, probably because they were, um, fried mashed potato.
I’ve been attempting to up my exercise lately, which is all well and good but, with exercise comes appetite and if I burn off 300 calories, it makes me want to eat 1,000, so some healthy snacks were needed to stop me munching on crisps and chocolate.
Back in fuck-knows-how-long-ago, I bought a packet of ready-made polenta. I have no idea why I bought it but I did and it stayed in my cupboard until I realised I was never going to use it and it was approximately twenty-three thousand years out of date anyway, so I threw it away.
Spring is a popular time of year for people to go on a juice diet (or cleanse/fast/detox/whatever you want to call it) to lose a bit of weight in time for the summer or because they’ve been eating unhealthily for a while and fancy a juice diet in a bid to mainline some fruit and veg into their bloodstream quickly. Whatever the reason, and for however long you’re going to be juicing for, here are some tips to keep you on track and stop you from putting down your juice and picking up the pizza menu instead. I’ll also tell you about a new juicer that’s going to be on the market soon – the JUlaVIE (formerly known as the Juisir), which doesn’t require any cleaning. Yes, I said it doesn’t require any cleaning. Okay, you can skip straight to that bit if you want, I won’t be (too) offended.
Popcorn: that ubiquitous cinema snack. Personally, I think eating should be banned at cinemas; all that rustling and munching does my head in but, if people really can’t stop stuffing their faces for a couple of hours, then perhaps only silent snacks should be allowed – say, marshmallows, for example.
As much as I love using fresh herbs, I’ve never had any success growing my own, the grow-in-a-pot ones from the supermarket don’t seem to last long and the ones in the plastic packets – once opened – only last a couple of days before going soggy and, although I’ve tried freezing them, they defrost as a soggy mess and get thrown in the bin. Therefore, I usually prefer to save my money and create less waste by not ending up throwing soggy herbs in the compost bin after only using a tablespoon or so of them.
This vegan cabbage soup with harissa and ginger had everyone stumped when I put it on Facebook for a game of ‘Guess the Soup’. The most popular guess was ‘Butterscotch Angel Delight’ but I have no idea why, do you?