Competition: Win “The Seasoned Vegetarian” by Simon Rimmer

The Seasoned Vegetarian by Simon Rimmer
The Seasoned Vegetarian by Simon Rimmer

It may be vegetable box delivery Thursday but today I have something far more interesting to blog about, oh yes.  Today it’s Planet-Veggie-is-feeling-generous-today day although strictly speaking that should be Mitchell-Beazley-is-feeling-generous-today day as my new favourite publisher has given me three copies of The Seasoned Vegetarian by Simon Rimmer to give away on this here blog.  Hurrah.

When the books arrive I have a look through and am getting hungrier browsing the recipes for small platefuls and large platefuls and spicy platefuls and brunch and soup and salads and add ons and puddings and things that sound confusing like turmeric roulade with harissa stew and things that don’t sound confusing like veggie carbonara, and the peppered mushroom and stilton pie is accompanied by a photo that is forcing me to make it for dinner one day next week and I wonder what the theme of the competition should be and I think aha, I know, I’ll have a competition where people have to name five famous vegetarian guests they’d have round for dinner and why and then I think I can’t think of any famous vegetarians except for Paul McCartney and I don’t want to invite him round for dinner in case he starts singing The Frog Song or something and so I find a list of famous vegetarians and I start scanning it and thinking na, he won’t be on here, he probably isn’t veggie and then fuck, there he is: JUDE LAW IS VEGETARIAN!!! Maybe there is a god after all and then I think oh but he’s divorced and I’m not really into divorced men and then I think oh he’s got kids and I’m not really into kids and then I think hang on, didn’t he cheat on Sienna Miller? and I think maybe I should just stick with The Meat Eater after all as he’s not divorced, hasn’t got any kids and probably won’t cheat on me with Sienna Miller and then I think well, I’ll still invite Jude along as eye candy, I just won’t sleep with him even if he begs me and I look down the list for a chef so they can do the cooking and blimey, there’s only one famous vegetarian chef/cookery writer and that’s Rose Elliot and I don’t want Rose Elliot to do the cooking as I bought one of her vegan cookbooks once and everything I made out of it was crap so I’ll have to do my own cooking and I think I’ll invite Jodie Marsh so there’s someone more Essex than me there but she’d better not get off with Jude as I might change my mind after a few drinks and I’m going to invite Hazel O’Connor as Breaking Glass is one of my favourite films and I can embarrass her by playing the soundtrack which I still have on tape and I’m going to invite Boy George as I bet he’s really funny and bitchy and he’ll probably get on well with Jodie Marsh  as she’s probably the only person in the world to wear more make up than he does and I’m going to invite Damon Albarn as we can get drunk and slag off Oasis and that’s my five dinner guests and now you have to tell me yours.

My five famous vegetarian dinner guests
Jude Law
Jodie Marsh
Hazel O’Connor
Boy George
Damon Albarn

Competition rules
List your five guests and reasons as a comment (list of famous vegetarians here)
Your five guests don’t have to be different to mine and they can be dead or alive
More than one entry is allowed
UK entries only please
End date 28 February 2009

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  1. Joaquin Phoenix so I can convince him to get rid of the silly beard and go back to acting.

    Josh Hartnett because he’s gorgeous.

    Heather Mills-McCartney to get all the gossip about Paul.

    Michael Jackson to find out if he really is wacko.

    I was going to agree with your “Damon Albarn as we can get drunk and slag off Oasis” comment for the fith guest, but if we have to pick five people you haven’t, then it has to be Toby McGuire because he’s the only man on the planet that looks good in lycra.

  2. Mine would have to be:

    Carmen Miranda – The film star famed for her colourful hats bearing loads of fruit. My Mum and Dad couldn’t agree on my name so in a temper Mum said – ‘oh just call her Carmen Miranda and be done with’ but my Dad liked it so Carmen Miranda I am. Would love to have met the colourful film star and at least we would have had a fresh supply of fruit 😉

    Billy Idol – Just because how fun would that be?

    Elvira, Mistress of the Dark – Ooer I just bet she has a tale or two to tell over dinner!

    Jorja Fox – my sister is majorly in luuurve with her and would be indebted to me forever.

    Rob Zombie – I was hoping my not so secret luuurve would be on the list but alas he isn’t (Alice Cooper) So I’ll settle for Rob and soak up any stories he might have of Alice 😛

  3. ok my first guest would have to be Russell Brand – cos he’s absolutely hilarious and because he comes from Grays which is just up the road so he could probably walk here so could get pissed and therfore even funnier. Next would be Socrates as a bit of philosophy always goes down well over dinner and I’ve never understood what he was on about so he could perhaps clarify, as long as I get to ask questions before my second glass of wine. Elvis Costello next, he’d hopefully bring his guitar – dinner and a show! Leonardo Da Vinci would have to be invited – as an artist I couldn’t ignore him, though its a damn shame that Dan Brown isnt veggie cos that would be one interesting conversation, would perhaps have to supply Leo with a copy of the book if only to get his answer to the he/she question. My last would have to be Judi Dench for no other reason than she is far too cool to be left out.

  4. I would say (and he’s listed on the International Vegetarian Union website!) Jesus, but since he’s a made up character and even if he wasn’t, i’d just argue with him all night, I won’t. So: Kirk Hammett so we could compare who’s best at playing “Orion” and I could worship the ground he walks on; Yehudi Menuhin so I could talk him into a coma like he used to me as a boy every bloody year at some boring school event in the Leas Cliff Hall; Leonardo da Vinci so I could thank him for flying things and parachute inventions and that. And steal his ideas; William Shatner so he could sing to us at the end of the night and I could heckle the hell out of him; Geoff Tate to find out how one epic track (“Empire”) can make a career and finance a life.

  5. Dave Spikey, he’s just so funny.
    Anne Fine, my daughter loves her books.
    Carla Lane, we could work on a new sitcom together!!
    Benji Madden, I love their music.
    Simon O Brien, a bit of a good looker.

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