I ate my first ploughman’s lunch last year. I’d seen other people with them on numerous occasions and they looked interesting – all that picky stuff to eat looked right up my street. Whenever I saw it on a menu though I always swerved it for a hot meal instead because who the flipping flop goes out to eat a bit of bread and cheese and pickle? Then one day last year I thought I MUST HAVE A PLOUGHMAN’S and off in search of one I went.
This tofu burger isn’t like the others. It’s not one of those yes-it-has-tofu-in-it-but-it-also-contains-about-twenty-six-other-ingredients-and-will-take-about-sixteen-hours-to-make-and-use-a-load-of-pans-you’ll-need-to-wash-up-after. This easy vegan tofu burger contains one ingredient and I’m not going to insult your intelligence by making you guess what it is because it’s obvious to even the most stupid person.
I went to buy almond milk in the little Tesco the other day hoping it was on offer for £1 like it is sometimes, as I’m too tight to pay the full £1.80. While, yes, it wasn’t on sale for £1.80, instead of going down to a budget-friendly £1 as I’d hoped, it had gone up to £1.99. Yeah, one pound flipping ninety flopping nine! Well, fuck that, I thought, and went home and made myself some cashew milk instead.
I love the summer. I love the sun and the heat and it motivates me to drink more smoothies and juice and eat more salad. I moved to the seaside in July and although I thought it must be illegal for it to be anything but the summer at the seaside, it’s not, and winter arrived along with the cold and the rain and the wind and the sleet and the snow just like everywhere else.
I am a mother-fucking goddamn genius. After ‘potato cakes’ being on the shopping list for two weeks and being ignored for two weeks and upon me enquiring why my potato cakes had not been forthcoming told ‘I don’t know where they are in Tesco. We have potatoes – make some’ decided that, okay, yes I will indeed make my own potato cakes. They weren’t as good as the ones in Tesco – Tesco ones are dense and you can hold them in your hand, like crumpets (or probably like any other potato cake but my experience of potato cakes begins and ends with the Tesco ones) and the ones I made were like fried mashed potato, probably because they were, um, fried mashed potato.
Back in fuck-knows-how-long-ago, I bought a packet of ready-made polenta. I have no idea why I bought it but I did and it stayed in my cupboard until I realised I was never going to use it and it was approximately twenty-three thousand years out of date anyway, so I threw it away.
As much as I love using fresh herbs, I’ve never had any success growing my own, the grow-in-a-pot ones from the supermarket don’t seem to last long and the ones in the plastic packets – once opened – only last a couple of days before going soggy and, although I’ve tried freezing them, they defrost as a soggy mess and get thrown in the bin. Therefore, I usually prefer to save my money and create less waste by not ending up throwing soggy herbs in the compost bin after only using a tablespoon or so of them.
This vegan cabbage soup with harissa and ginger had everyone stumped when I put it on Facebook for a game of ‘Guess the Soup’. The most popular guess was ‘Butterscotch Angel Delight’ but I have no idea why, do you?
Back in 2010, I entered a competition to win the title of ‘UK’s Tastiest Meat-Free Dish‘ where the winner’s recipe would be included in the range of Linda McCartney products. Fellow food blogger Kate Ford – who blogs at The Veg Space – won with her mushroom and ale pie. I reckon Kate either bribed or slept with the judges because why the flipping flop would they choose a pie over my cheese-covered aubergine, eh? I mean, come on, look – it’s a masterpiece!
I had an urge to make some bread but me being me didn’t have an urge to get my hands dirty and sticky by doing all that kneading malarkey. I dragged out my bread machine from the cupboard, had a look for something interesting in the fridge with which to make some bread but unfortunately, the fridge was a bit bare and I wasn’t sure if pickled onion bread was a thing. However, there was a box of mushrooms that needed to be used up so, after briefly pondering if mushroom bread was a thing, and deciding it was, I decided to make some vegan mushroom bread in my bread machine.